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Pity the Fool

by Bill Cope
Boise Weekly, September 12, 2007

But be not fooled

I wish I knew how to quit you, Larry Craig!

Uh, what I mean is, I don't think we should turn our backs on Larry just yet.

Uh, that didn't come out right either. What I mean is, when it comes to the Craig affair, I feel we need to get something straightened out between us.

Dammit! Sorry about all the innuendo. Seems like no matter what I set out to write, those sneaky double Freudian entendre slips just keep coming and coming. What I'm trying to say here has nothing to do with the sex part of it, OK? In fact, I was ready to let the whole thing drop after Larry resigned, particularly since I had started to feel ... now don't you laugh ... sorry for him. It's hard to explain, but when fair-weather weasels like Mitt Romney turn on a fella and eat his heart out before the sap knows what hit him ... why, I figure it's time for the decent people to show a little sympathy. So yes, I feel sorry for Larry Craig, and I'm not ashamed to say so. And I'd love to see Romney catch a festering dose of "what goes around, comes around."

But then the local press and local pols and local pundits started telling us what a sad day it is for Idaho since Craig has had such an illustrious career doing all these wonderful, wonderful things for the people of Idaho-comparing him to Frank Church and William Borah and all-and I thought Hey, let's just hold on here a minute! Surely they're not talking about the same Larry Craig I've been watching for 25 years. The Larry Craig who did everything within his considerable power to sell out the West to the heftiest campaign contributors. The Larry Craig who is regarded in my circle as one of the most subservient, accommodating panderers to ever ooze out of Idaho. The Larry Craig who never met a corporate interest he couldn't pimp for.

So I thought we'd review some of the highlights of Larry's career ... if the term "highlights" even applies here. Yes, he's gone now and with any luck, we'll never have him to kick around anymore. But it's important that future generations of Idaho school kids don't get Larry Craig confused with anything that might remotely be labeled "illustrious." What follows is just a sampling of the sort of "up yours" infamy Craig has been pulling over the years.

There's much, much more. But the preceding should give an idea of why Idaho -the U.S. of A., the planet Earth, probably even the Milky Way, if the whole truth were known-will be better off without him. I think it's safe to assume there will never be a "Larry Craig Middle School" or a "Craig Center for the Performing Arts," let alone a "Larry Craig Wilderness" or a "Mount Craig." Nor should there be. At every step of his career, Larry Craig has busied himself at undermining things of our world that should last ... salmon, honor, freedom, forests, integrity, rivers ... you name it. Instead, he has spent his life as nothing more than a facilitator for the smashers and grabbers, for those who see no value in anything but the easiest buck they can make. In spite of what his old cronies say, nothing Craig accomplished should last. Everything Craig accomplished should be undone. His legacy can only be applauded for the complete dismantling of it. Too bad, Larry. I feel for ya', but your old Senate buddies are right about one thing. You are a disgrace.

And as to the brief mention you deserve in future Idaho history books, I have a suggestion: "There must be a zillion ways to be a whore, and the least harmful of all have anything to do with sex."

Bill Cope
Pity the Fool
Boise Weekly, September 12, 2007

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