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bin Ladin's Salmon Recipe Tom Cies Letter to Editor - Wood River Journal - September 18, 2002

Editor:
Take one endangered salmon from the muddy Snake River (which is tricky, cuz native salmon prefer to go up the clear Salmon River to spawn, being smarter than fresh water ecologists). Set aside the dead fish for now as we prepare the marinade ...

1. First create a base from any of a number of myopic, tax-free, mega-inheritance Sun Valley family foundations out to save every cellular out to save every cellular structure except human so their beneficiaries can ski all season long, guilt-free somehow ...

2. Sprinkle in some roaddust off a wrap-around sunglassed, dude-driven, kayak toting SUV plastered with 'I play - You work' bumper stickers ...

3. Add the greed of a solar power industry lobbyist who know knows how many counties he needs to cover with his surface and micro-climate changing panels to replace the electricity generated by one hydro dam ...

4. And don't forget the bluff of a wind power industry lobbyist, who knows how many pristine mountain passes he needs clog up in order to redundate and compensate for the fickle or still breeze ... everybody loves the huge prop towers givin that Bladerunner industrial flavor to Palm Spring's Banning Pass, no?

5. Add a whiff of mountainbikers trail-weed, to get that predictable, 'I smoke and I vote' whatever.

6. To this fold in a Californicating think-tank reverse-engineered economic projection, Santa Monica's RAND Corporation's bit being the latest and fanciest, postulating that more jobs and future income streams come from destroying the dams, these huge capital investments, huge for this rural community anyway, than actually operating them to their maximum, precious efficiency over their economic lifetime.

RAND also says it makes money longterm to knock down dams to increase the salmon cuz you can then increasingly commercially farm them i.e. kill them! Good stuff.

Now marinated, you are ready to wrap this holy fish in a Columbia River Indian's federally mandated-catch-all-you-can, hand-made Salmon dipnet, this for that nuance of social justice and to avoid flakiness.

Finally, bake at a hot 550 over the duration of the congressional election cycle, and serve with a garnish of Berkeley Barbie, urban-snowboarder, Java house journalist jive-stream.

Voila! American dams are destroyed without any traceable terrorist activity. Productive jobs, foods, livestock, affordable, clean Northwestern electricity, not to mention the reliability of Boeing's local aluminum suppliers who located in the Northwest a generation ago for the sole reason of low-cost, super-reliable hydro power ... all this low-brow, hard-working Americana, goes kaputnik, down the drain. If any college kid can whip it up, so can you, no Afgan sweat.

From Taliban's kitchen to yours. Bon appetito stupidos!

Osama